Better Vs. Bitter

"Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many."
                                                                                                                               Hebrews 12:14-15




Once upon a time there was a married couple who were abundantly blessed: spiritually, in their family, and financially. They knew God's hand was upon their lives and their loved ones and they found great comfort in this knowledge. That is, until the bottom fell out of their world.

In one single day, their lives careened out of control. The result was the funeral of all ten of their children, dramatic financial loss, and a painful illness that was so extreme that the husband cried out to God to take his life. The name of this husband was Job, and his wife's name didn't even get mentioned in God's Word.

Now, I am not one that would throw any stones at Job's wife, even though this is the stuff that causes many a bad wife joke.  However, there are many theologians who have. Augustine labeled her as "the devil's accomplice". And, Calvin identified her as "a diabolical fury".

The quote that she is famous for is not an enviable one. After seeing her husband in excruciating pain and wiping his sores with broken pottery, she cried out in raw emotion. She exclaimed, "Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!" (Job 2:9). This was not her finest moment.

Yet, per usual, there may have been more to her story. Just try to imagine the shock and grief of a mother who witnessed the death of all ten of her children in a moments time. Then, imagine transitioning from being the wealthiest family in the world to becoming a bankrupt, homeless beggar? All the while, she is trying to take care of a gravely ill spouse in such indescribable pain that he despaired even for his life. This was one day in the life of Job's wife.

At this point, it had to have been easier in the short-term to withdraw and become bitter. It would have been much more costly to engage in the shock and terror of their present circumstances and to refrain from blame. No blame to God or to each other.

This passage in the book of Hebrews contrasts our two possible choices when life throws us a harsh curve ball. The positive response is to: pursue peace and reconcile all relationships, seek after holiness by removing sin from our relationships, and to extend God's grace, love, mercy, and tenderness to all people involved since we recognize just how much God has forgiven for us. We also realize that how we sin against one another is actually against jesus, Himself. In this we become conduits of God's goodness, even in the midst of the most difficult of situations. This is what Job chose to do.

His wife, however, did not. (Oh, how I wish this situation was reversed!). Even though both people had experienced the same tragedies, she fell short of the grace of God and allowed a bitter root to spring up. This created a bitter infection of her heart and soul that inevitably affected those around her.

They were the same circumstances and yet vastly different responses. There are two scenarios that typically result in bitterness. The first one is that we believe that something we deserve has been taken from us. The second one is that we believe that something we don't deserve is given to us. Both of these beliefs create an environment for bitterness to grow.

To put it more succinctly, either we will respond in obedience or we will sin in our pain. This is where it gets complicated, though, because it would never be truthful to say that a victim is the guilty person. They are not. Yet, there is clearly a path of obedience that will allow God's grace to cover the wrong incurred. This path prevents victims from seeking compensation for their pain. Choosing grace will prevent a root of bitterness from growing.

Bitterness is deceptive and seductive. Before we can even blink, we become enslaved when we allow bitterness, anger, resentment, and a critical spirit to begin to permeate everything and everyone. The book of Deuteronomy admonishes us to "make sure there is no root among you that produces bitter poison" (Deuteronomy 29:18).

According to Dr. Crawford Loritts, there are recognizable signs of bitterness. They are as follows:
          *recruiting others to take up your offense
          *anger (excessive; always under the surface)
          *unhealthy, unbalanced confrontation (shooting a canary with a cannon)
          *obsessed with a hurt or issue (looking for opportunities to vent)
          *fear and flight (passive-aggressive)
          *Can't face the person who hurt you

Ultimately, bitterness gets ingrained into our personalities. This results in sudden, unpredictable manifestations that are destructive. This infection is highly contagious and requires a quarantine if the person refuses to repent.

This poison steals, kills, and destroys. It steals our joy, our health, and eventually gives way to delusional thinking. If left unchecked, it will undoubtedly take our lives. The destruction is incalculable because it can prevent Christians from knowing fullness and freedom in Christ and might even indicate that we are not saved.

If there is a root of bitterness, the answer is always repentance. We can dig it out and confess our sins, knowing that God is just and faithful to forgive them (1 John 1:5-10). This will give us eyes to see God's hand at work, even in the midst of pain. It also enables us to receive His comfort and guidance when we need it the most.

We don't get to always choose what happens (or doesn't happen) to us, but we do get to choose whether we will then become a judge or a forgiver (Ephesians 4:31-32). Forgiving forges the way to take the opportunities God places before us.

We experience peace by resolving conflicts as they occur and pursuing peace in all our relationships. We never pay back evil (Romans 12:17-21), but, instead choose to bless those who have hurt us. Replacing good in the stead of evil propels a trajectory that glorifies God and extends His Kingdom on earth.

It is God's desire for us to be clean and pure vessels with clear consciences. We can choose true reconciliation even if the other person refuses to accept it. We can forgive and refuse to be defined by our hurt or our pain. We can refuse to become bitter.

Our lives and our destinies are too important to squander for momentary indulgences the way that Esau did. His one decision prompted a lifetime of regret that he never conquered. He never allowed God's grace to cover the consequences of his action.

It is much better and more fruitful to accept our challenges, receive God's grace, and witness God moving in mighty ways. In the end, God will redeem, renew, and restore all that concerns us. In the interim, we choose to be better and not to be bitter. And.... live happily ever after!


"Love alone makes heavy burdens light and bears in equal balance things pleasing and displeasing. Love bears a heavy burden and does not feel it, and love makes bitter things tasteful and sweet."
                                                                                                                               Thomas a Kempis